www.whatisthekandang.com

So...in case you just happened to stumble across this blog and are now scratching your balding/lice-infested/greasy/pimple-plantation head in bewilderment, this post was created especially for You!

Let's be honest. We don't really give a pig's snout if you don't get us. Its not like we have a divine message to spread to the internet community. I mean, is it really your priority to understand why we seem to be so obssessed with bananas and pigs?

No, the real motive behind this ludicrous post is to lure you back into the kandang so that everytime you switch on your computer, you will inadvertantly feel the urge visit this site and make us hogs feel better about ourselves. That maybe, just maybe, our lives aren't as pathetic as they really are.

Cos you know, pigs need some lovin' too.

The Chronicles of Lard isn't a diary of a morbidly obese person detailing his various encounters of the caloric kind. This blog concerns the lives of 8 friends, of whom more will be revealed soon.

For the non-bm speaking community, "kandang babi" means "the pig sty". Obviously, WE are the babi's(pigs). Why babi? It started as a swear word used frequently by Leen. When used appropriately, it carries the same meaning as "DAMN IT" or "SHIT".

It can also be used as an affectionate but rather insulting nickname i.e: "Eh babi, want to go catch a movie later?" This brings us to the end of this mini tutorial.

Still lost?

Gosh, you're dense.

Memori Nasi Lemak

For the first time ever, the Tai-Tai’s wanna be decided to meet up EARLY in the morning. 10:30 a.m. And NO mahjong game. And NO, we didn’t go join the already Tai-Tai’s with their Tai Chi sessions at the badminton court behind my house.
Wouldn’t want them to envy our flexibility.

So instead, we decided to kick start the day with a delicious meal of American Breakfast. Sorry Ken, i know you’re a fan of Protein. :)

We dug out sausages, eggs, oil, cheese, honey, bread, markisa juice, salt, sugar, chilli, and ketchup from the palace’s kitchen. Sandy Babi did the honour of frying honey sausages and making us scramble eggs. Queen Babi was busy preparing the table, making markisa juice, and toasting too burnt bread for everyone. ZeBraBi.. oh.. she was peeping around every once in a while to check if the honey sausages were done. Very hungry you see.. :P

American Breakfast was good. Now it’s time for Oprah Winfrey.

Today’s episode was about how older women maintain their youth. Their a bunch of MILF’s i’m sure. Some super hot. There’s one 40 plus lady who is so hot her son’s friends were actually checking her out when she came by the school . They thought she was a new girl in school. Can u imagine that?

At this age, someone actually mistaken me to be an admin lady working at the computer lab in Monash. Argh.. i’ve gotta to do something to compete with those MILF’s. I guess zebrabi and sandy were somehow or rather inspired to.. since we’re all aiming to be BEACH BABES by July the 3rd. On 4th of July… we will celebrate along with America.. it will be our Independence Day too! We’ll be free from diet guilt and be feasting away with our BBQ dinner. Can’t wait for that.

Despite that… we still went ahead to makan nasi LEMAK. Adding on the amount of lard in us. Sigh. But no regrets. It’s the greatest nasi lemak anyone can find. Plus this nasi lemak has it’s very own secret recipe – memories.

Any idea where you can get this great nasi lemak?

It’s located along Jalan SS14/6, & it’s called “Kantin Sekolah Menengah Subang Jaya”.

Sounds familiar now?

:)

Yes ppl. We went back to SMSJ to have lunch. It was one of the best lunch I ever had! Having the chance to rewind yourself back to the high school times. Being in the canteen, walking around, lining up to grab yourself a nasi lemak.. and buzzing around to find a place to seat. You feel like you’ve jumped back to those old care-free days.
I’m serious. Except this time, you get giggles and laughters plus stares from midget boys.


I’m sure if you did the same thing.. you would have felt the same way. However much I describe how I felt.. you wouldn’t feel how i felt. You must experience it yourself. But for now.. i’ll share some pictures to enlighten you on the happiness that Sandy Babi, Queen Babi, ZeBraBi and BabiDict felt.

Zee and Aly. What the heck is Zee looking at?!

i tell you.. ZeBraBi is blessed with eagle eyes. Zee... which hansome midget was it? Senyum until so manis somemore.

Sleen and Zee stuffing their faces with nasi lemak.


Are you jealous yet? We’ll be going back again soon i think.. Anyone wanna bungkus? Delivery charges included yeah.

Joel and Aly hamming it up to the camera...Hehe


Don’t you miss those RM1.00 nasi lemak? But now.. no more styrofoam. It’s wrapped with green paper. The tipu version of banana leaf.


Lastly, we couldn’t resist taking a picture in front of Pejabat Guru.

Group Picture. Can you see the bench bending under the weight of our lardy asses

Today was sweet and fun. 4 yrs back, I would have never imagined coming back to SMSJ feeling so happy with alyson, joel and zee wan. I’m glad I did.


“..I can dream of the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again….”
Barry Manilow - Memories.

The boys and their bananas.

 

Going Bananas

And so the Babana celebrates another year gone by. When the rest of us got wind that Babana was depressed and terperap in his house without cake and some good lovin', we decided something had to be done. After all, a sad, wilted, droopy banana is a sorry sight for our innocent young peepers.

Although we couldn't get you GL's (in)famous homemade fluffy muffins, we did the next best thing and got you Amos' Famous Muffins. Don't despair though, I am sure that one day you will be able to personally eat Gaik Li's muffins to your hearts content. They are pretty big after all. Oh and they are professionally baked by workers in UNIFORMS so you can be assured of its quality. Yummeh.

I hope you liked your birthday cake. The Queenbabi and I almost laughed to death preparing it. For the babi members that weren't there, the "cake" consisted of a giant muffin with the biggest, longest pisang we could buy rammed into the middle of it, followed by a candle rammed into the tip of the banana and set ablaze. Whipped cream at the tip would have been ideal, however I would have had to burgle Onibabi's house in order to acquire that.

I tell you, words simply cannot do justice to the magnificence that was the Babana Cake. I wish I could show a pic of the cake in all its glory unfortunately the Babana dug into it with such speed and gusto that all that was left of that magnificent tower was a stump.

Aside: Why is it that I cannot write or say anything without it sounding pervy??!! Gedangit.

Anyways, this is not the end yet for Babana so watch out....we have more surprises in store....MUAHAHAHA.

I am too lazy to end this in a proper manner so...

THE END

babigenic

babi|merata-rata

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

A SHIN is not a Shin

I'll start to crap in the kandang with a dedication to Aly Shin.

About the babi tulen :

Aly
A totally smartass eljayer and RQer that is rumored to have sand in her vagina, is a huge comment whore, and thinks that she is the shit!

Shin
A sexy beast.e.i; The lower male sex organ.
"Pet my shin any time."

Crayon
1. A person who is usually referred to as a spastic.Usually used in conjuction with the word muncher.As in "you crayon muncher"
Jerry is such a crayon... Isn't he?

2. just another name for a dick
Your such a crayon Joe!


*I wish I were in KL now... watching Ken and Sunita tease my gossip kaki to death.

missing all of you... MuffinBabi

10 perished in freak tragedy

SUBANG JAYA: Police discovered charred remains of 10 university students in a double-storey link house. Found at the scene were a few objects believed to be weapons of mass mutilation. Barrels of kerosene, a pair of tongs and pincers, a mahjong set, a pictionary board game and a very large handphone assumably were the cause of this inhumane act. Reports from crime scene investigators showed bodies of the victims were barbarically savaged. Privates of male victims clipped off by sharp-ended tongs, chest of females severely pressed using mahjong tiles thereafter their carcasses left to burn in kerosene presumably ignited by the radioactive rays of a mobile phone. Police also located a BMW smeared with what smelt like pig's blood in big, bold words "PAY UP RM 350". According to statements from neighbours, words like 'mafia', 'doctor' and 'civilians' were heard throughout the night. The most unsightly and violent crime scene in many decades, police credits it to works of brilliant criminal masterminds.

Touchwood! No offense but you get my point! Hehe ;P

Ooh Baby Baby...

Bravo Babi Halal, bravo. Honestly, for your first time I really didn't expect it to be so long and powerful. I guess they don't call you Long Ah Dong for nothing eh? Although I must say, it did get a little soft in the end, not to mention the rather abrupt ending. Im sorry I laughed at it though, I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

And my gosh it took you a long time to get it up and starting. I really couldn't wait for that long so I went to sleep instead. All I can say though is that it REALLY woke me up and kick-started my day. Thank you so so so much.

In fact, you should get on Oprah and weep and tell your saga to the world. Then later we can both go on Jerry Springer where I am gonna bitchslap you and we can catfight and rip each others hair out whilst yelling obscenities. Then I can bring my whip and have a go at you from across the stage.

Sounds like fun eh?

Classic Babi Jokes

I love DiGi even more today.

Free movie passes and popcorns plus coke = babi's night out.

We rushed out from the kandang to watch robots in TGV.

Love the intro of robots, on how the baby was "made". who could have think of thaT?

Besides the giggles from robots. we had some quality babi jokes too.. which ought to be published.

the kepit joke
we saw a kepit underneath the basin which we guessed was used to pick up "ughhh" stuffs from the jamban. but it's actually the bbq kepit.
rachel : hey that's what i use for BBQ.
alyson: to kepit sausages
leen: the sausage dropped off?

haha, ken n babana .. that's what we were laughing at.

the tampon joke
ken was telling us how this girl stuffed tampons into her roommates jamban for revenge.
Ken: ..... such a good idea... must use tampons next time..
Rachel: Why would you even have tampons in the first place?


WHY? ... we thought of an answer..


... to save you from diarrhoea attack when swimming!


now tampons becomes a unisex thing. better jot it down in your redang list guys. If not, you'd be worse that aunt fanny from robot, smelly fartsy plus FLUID STOOL. eeeeewwwwww

I bet "Save the Turtles" committee will freestyle over and put you into Turtle Jail. Could be pretty scary underneath the huge cangkerang.

PLUS, you wouldn't want to spoil the betina babi's appetite for sausages on BBQ night right?

I hear Pasir Panjang is a good spot for MANHUNT.. so ... :) hehe.

the buta kerbau joke
rachel was trying to tell the mamak waiter that her mee goreng takda mata kerbau. hrmm.. so what's a mee goreng without mata kerbau? ...

we figured it can be called mee goreng dengan buta kerbau.

Haha, but to think of it, if buta still got eyeballs right... means must correct out the egg yolk.. then only buta kerbau!!


k la jantan dan betina babi sekalian's.. it's 4 a.m. now.. .. i wrote this post first time.. then error.
When i click edit, the whole post was gone.. left back the tajuk .. pathetic.

Second time, i saved as draft, but to ensure it's even safer.. i click Ctrl + C to copy.. but the whole post when misssing ..

So this is my third time..

Finally i finish my babi assignment..

So g'nite to all my jantan + betina babi kawan .. see you soon!

Ohohoho!

Well well well....

This is a Frankenstein-esque blog. And Z1 and I are God....Admin that is. Nevertheless, this should be fun. Muahahaha.

As this is a pork-flavoured blog, the damn template needs to have an element of pink in it. And I don't want it to be identical to my own blog. Or to the Queen Babi. But the alternatives are too menjijikkan to consider.

As such, this template will stay on temporarily until something better is discovered. Or until I change my mind in the morning.


html is the biggest, meanest bitch the world.

The babi world

test. test. not much to test anyway. We all know it works. Just to see the cacat template! hahahha